The Modern Mother in Law, Deciphered

By on September 7, 2015

The modern day mother in law has come leaps and bounds from her old personifications of pure dominance and the accusations of being a control freak, be it her house, her family or the latest addition to it! These changes and evolution of sorts hasn’t been easy, but as the torch has been passed over generations, we can see, a better or more evolved picture of a mother in law – daughter in law relationship today, whether it is due to the liberalization and social independence of the modern day, or something else, the change has been welcome!

So how different are the Modern mother in laws of today?


Positive attitude
Just like being a mother in law is new to her, the modern MIL understands that being a daughter-in-law is new to the phenomenon too. She tries to picture her own daughter or the ones from the current generation and their reactions to situations, before trying to pass on a comment or judgement, for anything done or said.

The modern MIL, is trying to treat the daughter in law, with the same respect and equality as her children, be it son or daughter, by asking for the daughter in laws opinion on trivial day to day matters, like discussing about household supplies or the maid, or discussing the more important ones like, the financial or heath issues. The daughter in law is thus made to feel a part of the family, by being given equal respect to her opinions before decisions are made.


The modern day mother in law, is quick to remember her hard times in the past as a daughter in law, and is more sensitive to the needs of the present day daughter in law. Be it her need to spend a weekend with her own friends, parents, her need for a different kind of cuisine to be cooked, or the extra hours that need to be put in for an urgent office chore. She is quick to remember all that she wished for in her mother in law in the past, and how she promised that she would sensitise herself with the needs of a new person in the household, better than the past generation.

By treating their daughter in law with respect, these modern mother in laws have learnt that to get respect, one must give respect. Respect about having different tastes, opinions and likes. By getting to know her better be it her childhood, her difficult days or how she has handled tricky situations before getting married, the mother in law and the daughter in law are able to respect each other better for the persons they have been and become, thus forging a strong respect to the individualism.


Expectations get the better of everybody. But the modern day mother in law is able to keep the expectations more realistic, like that of a medical emergency or financial jeopardy, and thus seeing the bigger picture. From this, the daughter in law gets a sense of relief in not being judged by every single thing she does, as long as she cares for the big picture. Nobody needs to fight over a choice of a dish cooked, or the way a room is cleaned. The big picture matters !

The modern day mother in law is secure. She no longer looks up for peer admiration or appreciation for her daughter in law. It’s tough getting judged by your mother in law, let alone, by all neighbourhood aunties and nosy relatives. When a mother in law, doesn’t make the daughter in law toe the line, for something disapproved by a relative or neighbour, the daughter in law, understands the faith and trust that the Mother in law has for her, by believing in the person she is, rather than the one portrayed by other nosy ladies. This helps them bond better.


By Information
By keeping the daughter in law informed of the big decisions, or important events, or tricky nosy people and their general behaviour, the modern mother in law, equips her daughter in law, to face family relationships a lot more easily, so that she is not caught off guard in a tricky encounter.

A mother-in-law has years of experience. Yes older people do! Usually MILs don’t restrain themselves before swinging a full tango of advice on their daughter in law, thinking of them as inexperienced or lacking worldly knowledge. But the modern mother in law, is able to see past these veils, and is able to accept the fact that children of today, are better equipped, thanks to years of living outside, and have better worldly knowledge than their own era. Thus the modern MILs don’t solicit advice freely until asked upon or consulted. Nor do they expect their opinions to be blindly followed. They are able to understand that people seek opinions, and are mature and capable enough to come to a decision keeping all opinions open. And that the daughter in law, is no exception to this learning.


The modern mother in law, doesn’t judge the daughter in law, constantly for bringing up her grandkids in a way different than she did, several years earlier. She is able to understand that with changing generations, one might have to follow different tricks of the trade, to achieve similar results, and it might not be a one shot solution to all problems, through evolving generations. She goes ahead of herself and allows her daughter In law and son, to relish some couple time together, by taking their kids of their hands for some time in a fortnight or two, as she understand the need for some rejuvenating couple time, that every marriage needs, apart from constant parental responsibilities

All in all, the new age MIL is here to change the stereotypic cat fight scenario associated with them and to become an epitome of reliability and care in the family!

About Shibani Nelson

Shibani Nelson is a veteran celebrity stylist who has an unequalled experience of over 20 years in the beauty industry.